Life Is Like A Box Of Chthocolaths

Every tooth in a man’s head is more valuable than a diamond. ~ Miguel de Cervantes

Thith ith a vfery drue sthtathment.

That’s how I’ve been talking these days since I got my front, top, center tooth pulled (#8 for those who keep track). Yeah, dead center. [cue: I Feel Pretty music]

If you’re wondering why (and you should be because what lunatic would just volunteer to have a front tooth pulled) it’s because the tooth died. [cue: Taps music] I killed it. Murdered it. No, I mean, it wasn’t premeditated. I’m not like…crazy, or anything.

Long awkward pause.

Apparently, I was grinding my teeth without my knowledge and then one day…BOOM…dead.

If you’re grinding your pearly whites or yellows. Just stop.

I keep thinking about the beginning of this post and is it odd that I mentioned the possibility that people might be keeping track of what tooth number I lost? That’s weird.

This is how I’d look if I was seven. (and blonde) Seven and blonde.

I’ll be getting a shiny new car to drive because that’s how much it costs dental implant put in its place in a few months and, until then, I’ll be slurring and lisping while dribbling another #$@&%*! protein shake down my chin.

It’s all about the soft food diet! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<– too much)

So that’s where I’ve been the last couple of weeks. Hiding. Under my covers. Behind my hand. Hoping you don’t make me laugh because God Forbid you see the gaping black hole in my face.

So I’m eating things like (duh) protein shakes, milk, more protein shakes, cake! (<– silver lining) mashed potatoes, matzo ball soup, Secret Ingredient Scrambled Eggs, yogurt, and more protein shakes. I snuck some meatloaf and it was heaavenlyyyy. Yes extra y’s are necessary.

I could have used this opportunity to make you a delicious ice cream recipe or some other soft delicacy. But I’ve been a LITTTttle crabby lately. Crabsters. Crabby McCraberston.

How can I be a thnob with a listhp?

But the good news is (lucky me!) I still have plenty of time to be eating soft foods! So you’ll be seeing a cocktail come your way. And YES cake! We’ll be toothless and fancy free! Ok just me then.

And you’ll cry for me, Argentina. You’ll cry. Because The Kitchen Snob is not able to eat her usual weight in Pez and other hard delicious things that she’s not able to eat.

Creepy. I’m talking about myself in the third person. Help me.

Tell me. Have you ever had a front tooth pulled or had a tooth implant? Have you ever had to hide something about your physical appearance?