Every tooth in a man’s head is more valuable than a diamond. ~ Miguel de Cervantes
Thith ith a vfery drue sthtathment.
That’s how I’ve been talking these days since I got my front, top, center tooth pulled (#8 for those who keep track). Yeah, dead center. [cue: I Feel Pretty music]
If you’re wondering why (and you should be because what lunatic would just volunteer to have a front tooth pulled) it’s because the tooth died. [cue: Taps music] I killed it. Murdered it. No, I mean, it wasn’t premeditated. I’m not like…crazy, or anything.
Long awkward pause.
Apparently, I was grinding my teeth without my knowledge and then one day…BOOM…dead.
If you’re grinding your pearly whites or yellows. Just stop.
I keep thinking about the beginning of this post and is it odd that I mentioned the possibility that people might be keeping track of what tooth number I lost? That’s weird.
This is how I’d look if I was seven. (and blonde) Seven and blonde.
I’ll be getting a shiny new
car to drive because that’s how much it costs dental implant put in its place in a few months and, until then, I’ll be slurring and lisping while dribbling another #$@&%*! protein shake down my chin.
It’s all about the soft food diet! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<– too much)
So that’s where I’ve been the last couple of weeks. Hiding. Under my covers. Behind my hand. Hoping you don’t make me laugh because God Forbid you see the gaping black hole in my face.
So I’m eating things like (duh) protein shakes, milk, more protein shakes, cake! (<– silver lining) mashed potatoes, matzo ball soup, Secret Ingredient Scrambled Eggs, yogurt, and more protein shakes. I snuck some meatloaf and it was heaavenlyyyy. Yes extra y’s are necessary.
I could have used this opportunity to make you a delicious ice cream recipe or some other soft delicacy. But I’ve been a LITTTttle crabby lately. Crabsters. Crabby McCraberston.
How can I be a thnob with a listhp?
But the good news is (lucky me!) I still have plenty of time to be eating soft foods! So you’ll be seeing a cocktail come your way. And YES cake! We’ll be toothless and fancy free! Ok just me then.
And you’ll cry for me, Argentina. You’ll cry. Because The Kitchen Snob is not able to eat her usual weight in Pez and other hard delicious things that she’s not able to eat.
Creepy. I’m talking about myself in the third person. Help me.
Tell me. Have you ever had a front tooth pulled or had a tooth implant? Have you ever had to hide something about your physical appearance?
OMG – I found your site today! You are too funny! You really should do stand up! I recently had a root canal done on a tooth that already had a root canal! $$$$$$$ I understand the soft food part and I’m a grinder too. Thanks for the warning. Love your post on your cilantro rice!
The Kitchen Snob
Thanks, Genny. I appreciate the kind words!
Pamela @ Brooklyn Farm Girl
Hey lady, so the time has come for the tooth situation, huh? I’m hoping you’re alright and feeling good and getting all your soft foods in! Milkshake and pudding for dinner?! Big hugs, Pamela
The Kitchen Snob
Thanks, Pamela! I’m getting used to it. Finding delicious things to eat is the hardest part because I want all the things I can’t have. I’ve been desperate enough to eat pizza with a fork and a knife. Sorry, Jon Stewart. 😉
I have had teeth pulled but never had to have an implant. They were in the back. REALLY feel for you! I do declare that you should be doing “standup comedy”. You make me laugh every time I read your posts!. Now….use this time to go to Arby’s and have one of those
AWESOME orange milk shakes that they only have in the summer. and….you have a really good excuse for indulging yourself!
The Kitchen Snob
Thanks 🙂 Don’t worry, I have been indulging myself in lots of cake!
Well darlin’ YES! I have had this happen to me…I too am a member of the clenchers & grinders club (we are talking about teeth because grinding and clenching can pertain to other things…xxx) I was lucky enought to have #9 outsted a few months ago. Yes, thrying to thpeak with no toophs is not eathy…been there done that. Guess what? My implant looks pretty awesome at the moment. I have yet to get the final crown done and I have heard that that can be much harder to match up because of the material (ceramic/porcelain) to match tooth color. What will be prescribed next is a GOOD NIGHT GUARD FOR THE CLENCHER/GRINDER’S CLUB. Perhaps one day we can meet and compare notes…