My Stress Has Its Own Lockdown ~ The Kitchen Snob

I’m not scared. You’re scared.

You thought I was crying? What? NO. It’s because I just thought of something really funny and my uncontrollable laughter is oozing out of my eyes in the form of salty liquid.

In fact, I’m so freakin happy that I just did a jig in my kitchen [oh my god I just said jig].

I’m sleeping well.

I got extreme heartburn and couldn’t take deep breaths for about 12 hours and I didn’t overreact at all.

I’m doing great. Seriously so great.

Sarcasm. It’s how I roll.

Disclaimer: I might curse in this post. No, nothing really bad. I’m still sort of a lady, after all. But this is my first pandemic. You? Cool. Because I think it deserves a little 4 letter word. But I’m going add some random photographs I took to lower your stress levels. I’m pretty sure that evens everything out. We good?

So, I saw a food blogger’s recipe yesterday for Fresh as a Daisy Blueberry Pancakes! Happy, chirpy pancakes! Lavender syrup with edible flower garnish anyone?

Please. Go on!

So dang fresh and tangy that you, too, will have laughter oozing out of your eyeballs over the joy that is ringing loudly around the world as you sit in your 5-day old sweats and stare blankly into your Netflix menu.

Are people actually making these? Cuz I’m eating cookies. And spooning heaping mounds of Kraft parmesan cheese into my mouth.

Wait, is my breathing normal? Like, does it sound wheezy to you?

Because YAY lockdown! Virus microbes yippee! Hoax rumors hallelujah! It’s a hypochondriac’s dream come true.

The world is turning on it’s head and it’s the shit soup that none of us want to eat. There’s a recipe for you.

Actually, we are not on lockdown in Arizona. Because, as someone actually said to me, “Don’t worry. Arizona will be fine. We can’t get it here.”

Okay.

So it’s FINE. I’m fine.

So back to blueberry pancakes with hints of fairy dust sprinkled on top. I can’t make food in the food blogging style right now. I can’t pretend to care about photography and taking mouth watering pictures and writing sentences like nom nom and yummy in your tummy. (you’re so glad I don’t normally write like that). I mean, I’m still figuring out how to DEAL.

I’m getting better though. I’ve had over a week’s worth of full blown prophylactic shock. << I think I heard that on Grey’s Anatomy but truly have no idea what that means. Call me a medical idiot because in my apocalyptic world over here, I don’t care. But yeah, shock. And realizations about life. And the warping of reality. I’m deep.

You’re feeling it, right?

Last week, my stress level was at Defcon 4. Hold on, let me look that up…

Nope. Defcon 2.

But now the shock is turning more into acceptance and – haha – let’s not forget I’m in Arizona – totally virus free zone, dude. We’re immune.

Sarcasm.

long haired cat laying on a blanket and looking sleepy — Jitterbug doesn’t get what the hooplah is all about.

But I gotta get this stress under it’s own lockdown. Bye stress! It’s going to be hard. But I think accepting that things have changed and that things will continue to change is what I need right now. And some things (hopefully for the good) will change forever.

Today, I’m going to make a pointed effort to use my time wisely because I don’t have a 2 hour commute anymore! I’m working from home. So showering is completely optional. Is once a week okay? I think my cats are okay if I don’t put lipstick on.

I now have 15 extra hours a week to do what I want.

What did I do with my 15 hours last week?

Tried to control my breathing
Looked up what was going on in your neck of the woods via Twitter
Tried to close my eyes while breathing deeply
Researched pandemics
Oh shit
Cried over videos of people coming together, singing from their balconies in other countries
Watched a number of Reese Witherspoon movies
Stared at things – Ya know, walls, ceilings, carpet. Ew, it’s so gross.
Vacuumed

But this week, I’m going to use my time wisely. What would you do?

Here are my ideas:

Dance, baby. I was in the high school dance group, guys. I have moves.
Make recipes from my pantry and share them with you. There will be no lavender syrup.
Read the new book I got, Atomic Habits <– this is an affiliate link
Clean out my bathroom cabinets. You don’t even want to know.
Yoga
Pretend to be an artist. Like a good one, who paints with classical music in the background
Keep breathing

If you’re not social distancing…

If you’re going through life right now and don’t understand what the big deal is, I hope you discover it soon. The longer we wait for everyone to take things seriously, the longer it will take us to find our new normal. Most of my stress last week wasn’t about getting sick, but about the people who think it’s a joke, not a big deal, a hoax, or think they’re young enough to fight it.

I completely understand that not everyone is ready to have their realities warped. When you get to that point, it totally sucks.

We don’t think it’s fun. Those of us who are social distancing and doing the right thing are thinking it sucks over here! Come be sucky with us! Join us. Eat cookies for dinner with me! Watch some TV. I know you have at least 20 documentaries in your “watch list” that you were never going to get to.

A white swan near a creek with some ducks in the background — I once followed a swan around for several hours to get about 100 pictures of him. #swanstalker

We can be sad, angry, and annoyed. But don’t worry – soon we’ll be back to making out with strangers (not me), partying hard at the clubs until past 10pm (not me, and sorry – I mean GO to the clubs at 10), sneezing in public without fearing that someone might scream (totally me), hugging people, hanging out with friends, and eating in our favorite restaurants.

In the meantime, be kind. Be patient. And, most importantly, stay healthy! We need you. And eat spoonfuls of grated cheese. 6 of them is a good amount. It’s my prescription for emergency happiness.

Here are some recipes I already have on my website that don’t have complicated items in them. Maybe you have them in your pantry?

Broken Meatball Sandwiches – just made these! Don’t have all the ingredients? No problem. They’ll still taste great.
The Great Cape Cod Cosmo – a necessity when stuck at home. Any vodka, any cranberry juice and you can skip the fancy sugar rim
Southern Sweet Tea Popsicles – are really going to run out to the store for dessert? You only need some tea bags and sugar to make these delicious caffeinated treats
Yummy Ugly Chicken – you can really substitute any seasonings. Onions really make the dish. Skip the cheese if you don’t have it.
Plain Jane Pork Chops – Same as the chicken above, you can substitute different seasonings. An easy dinner for those chops in your freezer.
Chocolate Lasagna – got some chocolate pudding, oreo cookies and whipped cream? You can easily make this and skip any of the layers if you don’t have that particular item in your pantry. Don’t have chocolate pudding but have vanilla? Mix it up! Missing cream cheese? Leave it out. Still delicious.